You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
