i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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