I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
