he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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