Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
