Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
