marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
