I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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