I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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