Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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