We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
