The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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