wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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