even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
