so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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