another moral hangover. fuck.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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