I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
