listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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