The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
