I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
