so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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