I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
