i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
