Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize