:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
