Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
