Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
