You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
