he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
