he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
