i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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