Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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