"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
