someone threw a dead crab at me
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
