I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
