I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
