it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
