Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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