I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
