i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
