Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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