Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
