We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Vodka?
Forever.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
