A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
