they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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