There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
