I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize