Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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