im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
