Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
