Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize