Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He felt like a one man threesome
she pinky promised me she was 18
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
