New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
