there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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