i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
