He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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