Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize