I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
