he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
