im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
