I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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