I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
