sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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