Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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